8.27.2015

WANT.



Verb: lack or be short of something desirable or essential.

As a single lady in a world of coupled friends, it wasn't hard to feel lonely and left out at times; the third, fifth or (worse) seventh wheel. I always assumed my social life would benefit when my one finally became two. Although lately my phone is quieter than ever.


I envisioned life to be full of dinner parties accompanied by expensive wine and the couples I longed to be; romantic weekend getaways and Sunday brunch dates with my girlfriends. But in reality, no one wants to hang out. Actually, everyone is always already so busy. I've really grown to dislike this word. It has become the epitome of the lamest excuse (apologies to any friends who may be reading this, I am having a bad day). It really makes me sad to picture all the imaginary plans that were never followed through on; of course I am just as much to blame.

I recall craving excitement during my Friday nights spent home alone; feeling restless for change. Recently I (still) sense that I am out of place; I don't belong with the couples as their lives are more evolved than my relationship (married, houses, kids) and I am no longer considered by the single friends as I'm disregarded as always being with my boyfriend. Truthfully, I am more often than not, not with my boyfriend. Though, we (my boyfriend and I) have been looking for a place of our own to move into, which will help further merge our lives together, yet in the meantime I regularly still feel alone; I guess because I am. I am not sure I have even become familiar with the life of a thirty-one year old in a serious relationship. 


Reality is always so much harder than my expectations.

Merde.



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