12.15.2014

GOOD-BYE.



Exclamation: used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation.

I have previously expressed how attached I am to the past. I often relive moments and situations wondering what could have, what might have happened if something would have gone slightly different. My predicament with the past occurs because of my exceptional memory and attention to detail. I literally can experience incidents over and over again in my mind.  I will remember the expression on your face from an exact moment; I could draw you a picture.
I look at this as a curse as I  predominantly  focus my attention on the not so good history. I can piece together details of the past into a puzzle, over thinking scenarios like an FBI agent. Images remain in my head as though my brain were equivalent to a memory card in a camera. Sometimes all you want is to just forget a picture, yet you can't. It is probably the biggest annoyance of my life and has caused much anguish in my relationships.

The reality is, everyone has a past. It should not be looked badly upon, since if it weren't for our past we would not be where we are right now. Yesterdays are gone and can never be changed. What happened then should not matter now. This is sometimes hard to accept when in a relationship.  I am a strong believer that it is not necessary to go into depth about ones past experiences. On the other hand, when their past keeps popping up, what needs to be remembered is there is a reason why the past is not the present...

There are sixteen days until the new year and I have decided that my resolution will be to stop thinking so much in the past tense. I want to enjoy the present with (almost) no worries and look forward to the future with a smile instead of a fret.

This is a promise.

Merde.


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