8.11.2014

PHYSICALITY.

Noun: intensely physical orientation: predominance of the physical usually at the expense of the mental, spiritual, or social.
When I first met my ex-boyfriend (nine years ago), I was the complete opposite (physically) of his previous girlfriend. She was tall(er) with long(er) blonde hair, big(er) boobs , curvy and blue eyes. She dressed rather sexy, for a man's audience that is sure. I am quite short at only five foot three inches, my hair at the time was dyed very dark brown and freshly cut into a short(er) bob, my chest was nearly nonexistent as I was very thin and my eyes are hazel; sometimes brown but sometimes green. My style was, and mostly remains to be, boho-esque; something men don't comprehend. The differences between us shouldn't have mattered, however I was a young and insecure girl in her first relationship and often wondered how one boy could like her and me at the same time. 

I eventually changed my hair color to blonde, assuming that is what he liked. Coincidentally the former short bob was a result of an earlier male. The opposite situation however. Some weeks prior I had fallen in complete lust with a Parisian speaking Casanova Moroccan male. I had been toying with the idea of chopping off my hair, yet this intoxicating man talked me out of it. After a short few weeks of a fun affair he disappeared to Paris for the summer without so much as a goodbye. I immediately went to cut my hair.
So here's my question, is it wrong to want to change various attributes of yourself if it will further entice the one your with? My mind is playing devil's advocate. I am all about wanting to turn someone on, and if I can do this simply by keeping my hair long or cutting it shorter, than why not? Yet, at the same time the feminist in me is screaming, why should I change (what I want) for a man? Shouldn't he like me for me, regardless of what I look like?
I still don't know how to fully justify how one person can be physically interested to conflicting looks? After all, everyone has an ultimate "type". So if we do not end up with that ideal, are we ever fully attracted to the one we're with?

I swear full moons turn my mind into a whirlwind of thoughts.

Merde.

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