3.02.2014

Awkward.



Adjective: causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience.

“Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiac, the first of the Water signs, it is ruled by the Moon. Its symbol is the Crab.”

I’ve discussed astrology before, along with my unconditional belief in it. I am the essential Cancer. A funny thing happens to me when I come into contact with someone of the opposite sex whom I find attractive. I freeze; almost literally. If I were a crab, I would undeniably retreat back into my shell. This change that occurs has become so evident to those who are closest to me that they immediately see the shift in my attitude.
Having escaped the reality of the city Saturday morning, the afternoon was spent in the hot tub with my best girl friends and wine. As the evening progressed the wine switched to vodka and a small gathering commenced. I am never an overly outgoing personality with those I do not know, but provided with alcohol and the support of those best girl friends I can become plenty rowdy. Singing off key and dancing around in pig masks to Sean Paul is how the night began.  At that moment the hot guy from last year showed up.  Bearing in mind that incident and its blog post, my attraction is no longer a secret. Being that my best friend’s boyfriend is his best friend, I’m uncertain how much of that no longer secret was revealed.
I turned mute. It’s not purposefully done. I mean, I sense the change in my demeanor but I can’t really control it. Intimidation perhaps? I become this quiet in awe looking child and find it difficult to participate in any conversation or game going on around me. Everyone notices and in turn my secret is unintentionally given away. This consistently happens in the company of men I find attractive making it appear as though I have nil personality.

Welcome to the story of my (single) life.
Merde.


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