12.24.2013

Eve.



Noun: the day or period of time immediately before an event or occasion

I am grateful that Winter Solstice has passed and the days are becoming longer; slowly but surely (let’s be positive, right?). I am almost certain that I will forever detest the winter.  I take hibernation to a whole other level; my friends joke that they will see me in April. In all fairness, I cannot be blamed for being a summer baby. On select occasions I am so thankful for the cozy days locked inside. Last weekend was so dreadful I hardly left my bed. Due to the treacherous weather I stumbled upon a movie that every romantic should watch: Before Sunset. My soul sister in Paris described it as a too long conversation between two people. But what a wonderful conversation it was. Of course I found myself relating all too well...

I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like… this, you know? People just have an affair, or even… entire relationships… They break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person had their own… specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because… It hurts too much! Even getting laid… I actually don’t do that… I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy but… when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late for school. One day she followed me to see why… I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road… the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk… little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. 

Lately I’ve come to notice that the majority of people cannot enjoy the present in its entirety because they are so fixed on the future.I’ve also become conscious of the fact that I live in the past. So, my wish for us all is to forget the ghosts of Christmas past’s and future’s. 

Have a very Merry Christmas (present tense).  
How cheesy am I becoming in my old age? 
Merde.



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