8.31.2013

Sapphist.



Web Definitions: (sapphism) lesbianism: female homosexuality.

I’m not one to indulge in free drinks from the opposite sex while out, unless I’m truly interested in conversing with them or I actually know them.  I’m not a very good actress and I’d rather not spend my time pretend flirting and make believing I’m actually absorbed in a discussion I could do without. In the end I am quite capable of buying my own drinks.
Yet, one long weekend this past June, we found ourselves being bombarded by males inviting us to drink at their tables. After politely declining for the first portion of the night, we decided only a fool would continue to refuse. So we decided to join an out of town bachelor party. It didn’t take long before I realized that the majority of the bachelor party might be single and looking for some after party fun. Clearly not interested, I spontaneously decided to embark on an experiment.
“Would you believe me if I told you we were actually lesbians?”
The great thing about best friends is they usually play along with almost anything you say. The two guys we were talking to looked at us blankly while we kept a straight face. I believe they asked us to make out, and after I very seriously told them we had nothing to prove, one guy lost interest and left. The remaining guy seemed rather fascinated, asking us how long we had been dating, if we lived together, bla bla bla. He then, out of nowhere, tried to kiss my “girlfriend”. She immediately backed away and very calmly stated that what he had just attempted was extremely rude. He apologized.
As the night progressed so did our intoxication level. We left the bachelor party and found some of our friends. I won’t lie, everything else is a bit of a blur; until the end of the night. He (the guy who earlier tried to kiss her) first came out to my friend . He was gay. All of a sudden his voice did seem a little feminine, and he had a slight flip to his hair I didn't notice before. I’m not quite sure if maybe his friends didn’t know. They were all old friends from high school, but he now lived in California while they were from Boston. He told us we were an awesome couple, and if we ever visited Cali we should call him and he’d take us to the best gay bar in Orange County; we’d totally fit in. He gave me his card. Although I was drunk, I felt horrible for lying to this person who was being so genuine with us. At this point it was in everyone’s best interest to keep up the charade, so I asked him why he tried to kiss my girlfriend if he wasn’t actually into females. He confessed that it was a test. He’s witnessed his straight friends with girls, and girls will do anything, including kiss a stranger, for free drinks. I couldn't help but laugh. If only he knew...

If you clicked this post with the anticipation that I was actually coming out of the closet, I apologize. Though it would be great reasoning for my long term single status, men are my weakness.
Currently one (oblivious) man in particular.
Merde.



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