5.21.2013

Vanquish.


Verb: Defeat thoroughly.

What happens when we fail to realize what is in front of us? We lose.

Once upon a time I met the greatest guy I will probably ever encounter. We worked together, and although I am now certain that he liked me more, the feelings were fairly mutual. Nothing concrete ever came of it, although we lived a dreamy imaginary love affair for quite some time. He was, unfortunately, rather younger than me and very very shy. I assume that I never pursued things fully because of the age difference. When a female is twenty-five and the male only twenty-one, I can’t help but assume that their lives are not on the same chapter. At the same time I often wondered what a young guy with so much potential saw in me. He was still in school, and his part time job was my full time job. I had no idea what I wanted in life, and was still hung up on my ex-boyfriend. What could I offer him?
Regardless, he romanced me in ways I had never experienced before. One of my many faults is I always want what I can’t (don’t) have. When I have a great guy in my life, I want him to be less available and more dominant. In reality, I think he was too good for me. At that time anyway. I didn’t appreciate him like I should have, and my response was excessively neutral.
Last week I invited him to a mutual friend’s birthday. We most likely haven’t seen each other in at least two years, although we frequently and sporadically text message. He didn’t answer me for forty-eight hours, and when I finally  asked why he was ignoring me, he apologized and said he didn’t think it was a good idea.

I envisioned him showing up anyways.
But he never did.
Merde.

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