5.09.2013

Stalk

Noun: A stealthy pursuit of someone or something.
 
I often find myself trying to remember the days when we were not enthralled in social media; it has become such a regular obsession that it leaves nothing to be desired. You meet someone and within five minutes you may know more about them through searching online than if you went on five dates (what, you don’t Google people?!). It’s like if we were to meet people naked. You can’t hide.
  I know as females, we are well acquainted with following people online without their knowledge (I always wondered if guys do the same?). I’m not sure if I should be bragging about this, but I’m convinced I’d be a certified FBI (online) agent if the position existed. I’ve figured out scenarios online before they even manifested in real life. True story.  
 Yet, I’m as clumsy as I am sly. Meaning I would probably be fired for leaving digital finger prints behind; sometimes far far worse. I’ve always questioned: if I unlike something I accidentally liked on Facebook within seconds will the person on the other end receive a notification? I surely hope not. To me, it’s like the five second rule when you drop something on the floor and still really want to eat it. If you manage to pick it up within those five seconds, you’re safe. I mean, a “like” seems harmless enough, but it’s hard to explain when you’re not actually friends with the person on the chosen social media platform.
 On one occasion, while searching for a particular male on Facebook to show off to my friends, I accidentally changed my status to his name instead of actually finding him. Another incident resulted in me liking the photo of a (stranger) girl who was repeatedly liking the photos of a certain male on Instagram; how ironic. Last summer I met a guy who was from out of town. While consuming a lot of alcohol, we seemed to really hit it off. He was cute, he matched my age criteria, and I think he was even a suitable astrological sign. To top it all off, his dog was one of my favourite breeds ever. This must be fate.  Naturally I gave him my number and allowed him to add me on Facebook so that we could keep in touch. One night while scrolling through my home page on my iPhone (in bed), I noticed that a (pretty) girl had written on his wall insinuating they had just seen each other. Now, in no way did I consider this wrong. We had only been talking, and after all we didn’t even live in the same city. But I couldn’t help my curiosity and so I clicked her profile, just to see. Well, I somehow managed to add her as a friend. Believe me when I say I jumped out of bed and almost flew to my computer so that I could properly assure myself I deactivated the request. Imagine how crazy I would have seemed if I suddenly became friends with the girl who just wrote on his Facebook wall? The next day I left work for lunch and instinctively checked all my social media outlets on my phone (because that is the world we live in...as if you don’t do the same thing). My heart sunk in my chest. The pretty girl whose friendship application I had surely cancelled the night before was on my home page. The cute guy with the cuter dog would never speak to me again because I was a crazy stalker. But how did this happen? I was sure I had annulled the request. And then I realized, somewhere along the way not only had I clicked add as friend, but I also requested to receive updates from her.   

I now understand how curiosity killed the cat.
Merde.

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